satori, rinse, repeat

I’ve noticed that whenever I come all over jackass, it’s because there’s something wrong with my position — when I’m secure about something I seldom resort to snark. Outright venom, sure; snide formality and similar oily tricks, no.
Case in point: I took an uncalled-for swipe at Maxine (again because I hadn’t thought my own position through properly), and though I’ve apologized, I ought not be surprised or feel put-upon if people point to that incident as an example of bad online manners. But I feel bad about it, so mention of it gets me all defensive.
This is doubly daft, since not only is such a response self-evidently counterproductive, I have no particular fear of being wrong. I’m a scientist: it’s in my nature and my training to attach no value judgement to being right or wrong: what matters is to see as clearly as possible and make the best models we can. So being wrong in public holds no terrors for me; it’s being a jackass that is embarrassing, and — catch 22, or something! — I do that when I suspect I’m wrong.
Don’t most people figure this stuff out when they’re about 12? Oy.
On the silver lining side, catching myself tending to snottery would be a good early warning that I’m wrong or uncertain about something, if I did it before being a jackass. I remember reading somewhere that all satori have to be repeated before they take hold, so maybe writing them down will also help…

3 thoughts on “satori, rinse, repeat

  1. Reminds me of a little rule I have when setting exams or assignments. If a question makes me giggle, then it’s too hard and I’m not allowed to make it part of the assessment. The few times I’ve broken that rule I’ve thoroughly regretted it come marking time.
    Do you giggle or snarl or something when you write a particularly snide post?

  2. Now that you mention it, I, um, sorta hyperventilate. I mean, my tell is that my fight-or-flight response starts up while I’m typing, which should tell you something about the state of mind I’m in.
    Now I just have to learn to recognize the tell before I do something stupid.

  3. Dog.
    Literally. Dog.
    When I get the adrenaline rush, I log out and take the dog for a loooooong walk. If I am not calm yet when I come back, I go to bed and check my vital signs again in the morning. Once I am sure I am calm enough, I respond.

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